Neglecting my Blog

I've been a very bad blogger lately. I am going to try to maintain this site much better. Tonight I will upload pictures, I have so many that are not on here.

Tonight we are going to back cookies, I am going to try two new receipes I found on a fellow blogger site. Wish us luck, they seem easy enough.

Owen had his left ear tube replaced on Friday and happy to report he is doing well. No issues at all, we also both got our H1N1 vaccine over the weekend and no side effects so far, except for the occasional snort that I seem to make! LOL

More updates to follow, super busy at work but really wanting to get this back on track.

FEELING A LITTLE DOWN TODAY

Maybe not just today, but for a few weeks now. I am not sure why it started but I have become very sad that Owen is going to be an only child and that I will not have anymore babies. I know that I am very lucky to have Owen and that should be enough but I am having so many emotions. I am sad that he will be an only child, I am sad that someday Bob and I won't be here and who will he have? I am sad that I will never again change diapers, have a first day of Pre K or first words. I am sad.

I know that not all siblings are close as they get older, my husband and his sister are perfect examples of this, they don't speak. But as a parent I would do whatever I could to be sure that they were close and that they understand that in the later years they are really going to need eachother. A better example is my sister and me. We are very different, have nothing in common and not sure if we weren't sisters that we would be friends, but she is my sister and we are friends and there wouldn't be anything that could make me not speak to her again. I am going to need that relationship later in my life. My son will not have this opportunity. That makes me sad.

Someone posted on another site a statement that made me a little angry today, she said "It's easy to become a mother but not easy to be a mother" I disagree, I spent 10 years, a lot of money, a lot of paperwork, a lot of tears and traveled half way around the world to be a mother, it was not easy. And because of that I won't be a mother to another child. So not any part of that was easy.

I know this feeling will pass, but for now I am going to allow myself to be sad for what I won't have but know that there is so much to be happy for what I have.

Grandma passed away!

My grandma passed away this morning, she was 89 years old.

I have mixed emotions right now, she was sick, in pain and ready to go and for those reasons I am relieved for her that she will no longer have to endure that. But she was still my grandma and the only grandparent I ever knew. And although she had her ways, I loved her very much and I know that she loved me and truly loved my son.

So today, I remember a beautiful women who forever will be in my heart and know that she is happy with her daughter, my wonderful Aunt Marie and her husband, my grandfather who I unfortuantly never knew.

Good bye Grandma, we love you and already miss you!

OWEN HAS A CRUSH

Owen has a new girlfriend, it's Cindy Bear from Yogi Bear Jellystone Campground. LOL

We've gone camping there twice, I each time he gets more and more excited about seeing Yogi, Cindy and Boo Boo.

I just LOVE seeing him smile.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY POOKIE

Today is Bob's 45th Birthday!!! I can't believe so much time has gone by!!

Happy Birthday to a GREAT husband and a FANTASTIC father!!! Owen and I love you SO MUCH!

Hugs!

MY DADDY

Yesterday was my dad's 67th birthday! He has been through so much this past year, he fought prostate cancer, a bout of depression, and even panic attacks. None of which you would have ever expected to see my dad go through if you knew him. He is the rock of our family, the problem solver, the one person who could fix anything, yet we've found ourselves trying to fix him.

Owen loves his Papa, and Papa seriously loves Owen. I love to watch them together it is a special bond.

So, just when we think our superman has come out on top and has turned the corner we get more bad news. He has been complaining about a pain in his breast. We've all been taking it lightly but he really has pain and so he went to the doctor today.....He has to go for a mamorgram. Apparently there is a mass and they need to do more testing to see what it is. How could this be??? We have breast cancer in our family, my Aunt Marie died of breast cancer, my mom, sister and I go for our yearly mamorgrams to be proactive and catch anything early, but we NEVER thought that our father would have to be concerned about this.

I am sad, I just don't know how much one more man is suppose to endure? How much is one family suppose to endure?

I don't want my daddy to be sick anymore, I want my loving, free spirit, funny daddy back.

I just can't seem to find the time that I used to for the blog. It's not from a lack of interest it's just that Owen consumes all of my time. Between Speech Therapy and OT Therapy, work, birthday parties, playdates, etc. I just can't keep up.

Owen has made so many milestones, we are fully potty trained, he speech is amazing it's clear and full sentances most of the time. He can now spell his name and write it all by himself, he knows all his shapes, colors, abc, and numbers. When you leave him he says I love you and i miss you, it's the sweetest thing. His favorite shows are WOW WOW WUZZBY, Backyardigans and the Wonder Pet's and still LOVES ELMO but we've crossed over to big boy interest now as well like Dinosaures, Monsters and Cars.

I can not believe that in 3 short months my little guy is going to be a BIG FOUR, and in September he is going to Pre-K. Is this really possible?? It feels like yesterday that we were waiting to travel and bring him home.

When Owen was placed in our hands he was a shy, quite, baby. He has transformed into a Outspoken, Friendly Boy. He has many friends in Daycare, when he arrives most kids are already there and they all call out to him "Owen's Here, YEAH" It's so cute to see and makes me very proud that my boy is popular, that even though he is still behind many of the kids at his age level he is able to keep up, make friends and be one of the crowd. That warms my heart.

This morning Bob and I had a conversation about Owen's birth mother, we talk about her often but this morning was a saddness of what she has lost, looking at him and knowing that when I look into his beautiful eyes I am really looking into the eyes of a women that I could never know, I could never say Thank you and more importantly let her know that her little boy, our little boy is doing wonderful, he is a well adjusted happy boy.

I am going to try my best to keep this blog more up to date!

Owens First Dentist appointment

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

Hope you all had a great mothers day!!! I certainly did, thanks to a wonderful women half a world away in China. THANK YOU, birth mother for giving me the honor of raising our son!!! You would be so proud of him!!!

The three of us spent the day getting ready for our first camping trip in our new pop up. Everytime I think we have everything we need to make another trip to walmart or target. And I still think we will get to the campground and be missing something.

I've been a little behind with posting and adding pictures, I blame this on Face Book, it has taken over my life. LOL

I've added a few pictures of Owen, I have a lot more to add and will in the next couple of days. I've finally figured out how to get the pictures of our camera and on to the laptop. This laptop is not as easy to download from.

I also wanted to say CONGRATUALTIONS to Joni, John and Sofia on their wonderful news of a 2nd daughter and a new sister!!! We are so happy for you!!

HAPPY EASTER

We are heading out of town for the holiday weekend, spending Easter with my parents in the Poconos. Tomorrow we will drive into the city and drop my car off at our adoption agency, we decided not to sell it but instead donate it to the agency so that something good can come from it. I figure my dad is helping us by giving us his truck we should pay it forward.

It's a great car, almost brand new on the inside and out. Bob and I took very good care of it and it holds many memories, it's the car that we drove Owen home in from the airport, that means a lot to me. That's why I couldn't see selling it to someone that might not appreciate that, but to know that our car will be used to transport babies to and from social worker visits, doctors appointments, etc. really makes it special.

From there we will drive up to PA and spend time with my family and I am sure have lots of Easter festivities! There will be egg painting, egg hunts and eating lots of candy I am sure!!!

Hope all my blogger buddies have a great holiday weekend!

MOMENTS LIKE THIS.....

I am in bed on wireless and my little guy is sleeping soundly next to me, it is a moment like this that I realize just how complete my life is and how happy I am. Bob is working this weekend and won't be home until 11:30 p.m. me and Owen came up to bed and had our normal before bed time ritual...ice pops!! But before Owen finished his ice pop he was sleeping. So, I am letting him stay until Bob gets home and he can transfer him into his bed.

I am watching this perfect little person sleeping, little breaths of air coming out of his nose and can't help but stare at him, can't help but want to hold him and never let go. But more importantly it's moments like this that I can't help but think about the women half a world way and wonder what does she look like, does Owen have her eyes? her nose? Is it her that he gets his amazing personality? He is such a gentle caring soul, he had to have amazing birth parents.

I know that the life that Bob and I give him now is going to help make him the person he will grow up to be and every day Bob and I do our best to be sure he becomes a great man, a loving, caring man but his foundation is what started him on that path and his foundation is in China.

The love that I have for him is unmeasurable, the lengths I would go for him are unmeasurable and forever our hearts will be one.